19/11/2009 @12:58:00 PM
Saw you from the distance,
Saw you from the stage,
Something 'bout the look in your eyes,
Something 'bout your beautiful face
In a sea of people,
There was only you,
I never knew what this song was about,
But suddenly now I do
Trying to reach out to you,
Touch my hand,
Reach out as far as you can,
Only me, only you, and the band,
Trying to reach out to you,
Touch my hand
Can't let the music stop,
Can't let this feeling end,
Cause if I do it'll all be over,
I'll never see you again
Can't let the music stop,
Until I touch your hand,
Cause if I do it'll all be over,
I'll never get the chance again
I'll never get the chance again
I'll never get the chance again
Touch my hand - David Archuleta
16/11/2009 @2:12:00 PM
i guess it wasnt the last test.
how many more must i go through?
14/11/2009 @2:14:00 AM
i haven't blogged for extremely long, yes i know.
the past few weeks have forced my life into such a whirl that now, i cant even tell the difference between right and wrong.
i don't know what to blog anymore cuz some things are just meant to be kept in that small box and left in the corner to collect dust, never to be taken out again. thru the past few weeks, i've felt more emotions than i've ever had. happiness, anger, hatred, confusion, pleasure, and sadness.
my heart and mind are at their weakest point now. maybe thats why i can feel all these at its strongest effect. and maybe thats why i'm so easily swayed.
it dawned on me. all it takes is just a small flicker, and all you have tried to keep together falls apart, leaving you vulnerable. so vulnerable that although you struggle so hard to keep it out, it devours you like some hungry cave monster.
thats when i fell.
as i fell i hit the ground and reality sinks back in. i have to let go, but i don't want to let go. familiar phrase, ain't it? i guess you never know what it really means until you experience it yourself. at that time, i had to be strong.
it wasn't for me to choose, it was for me to forget.
my pillars of strength came in extremely handy just when you need them to. i really appreciate the help and thank you guys for being there for me.
as the strength builds back in me again, i find myself wondering, and thinking more. wondering if everything is still as perfect as it seems. wondering if anything would change for the better, or for the worse.
maybe i should stop thinking and let my path move before me.
but then, today i realised. it's happening again, though the clouds have changed. this feeling of dejavu.
Wikipedia: dejavu is the experience of feeling sure that one has witnessed or experienced a new situation previously (an individual feels as though an event has already happened or has happened in the recent past), although the exact circumstances of the previous encounter are uncertain.
is it still dejavu if i know what exactly had happened previously?
it's so tempting to fall down and give up. like temptation island.
is this the ultimate test for me? if it is, please let it be the last one. please. i don't think i can do it anymore.
it's quicksand i'm drowning in. someone get me out please.
I want your love and I want your revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
I want your love and All your lovers' revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
27/09/2009 @1:07:00 AM
"simone, do you feel lonely now?"
the common question at brenda and audrey's parties.
what am i supposed to say?
it's been one month.
i miss you zihan
12/09/2009 @1:46:00 PM
i've held off posting for a few weeks now, since everytime i log on to blogspot, the new post page appears weird. it's still weird now. but i'm guessing it's more of a permanent damage.
the past 2 weeks have been a huge ride up and down, left and right. i won't deny that zihan leaving for hk has been a huge impact on me, especially during the first week of his absence. however, i guess this is probably a blessing in disguise. i might still have many weeks to go, but just these 2 weeks have allowed me to learn and realise more than i can ever imagine to.
sometimes, people become so dependent on their boyfriends to be there for them that they don't think much about what happens when they're not.
when zihan was around, i felt like i could rely on him for everything. i never had to worry about outings with groups that i could have felt awkward with cuz he was always there and i'd always have someone to fall back on whenever i felt lonely or felt i was out of place. just like a huge cushion ready to catch me whenever i fall.
when i needed someone to talk to, when there were problems in my life, even between us, the first person i'd call was him. through the past year, i have grown accustomed to problems being solved/talked about in a matter of a few hours.
however, now that he's no longer within sms/call reach, it was hard to get used to at first. but after these series of events that have happened or are about to happen, it's more of opening your eyes and maturing on your own. i guess these are the experiences that when you've been thrown in, you struggle (and think you'll drown) but then learn to swim on your own.
and i guess i'll never realise that if zihan never left for hk and put me in the pool to swim on my own. when he leaves you alone, you go swimming/struggling for someone who can almost similarly provide the same things, when after struggling for awhile, u realise that they were all along there for you - your friends.
i remember in primary school, we had a task. we were given a piece of paper and we had to fill in names in circles. each circle has a different heading: best friends, close friends, friends, and acquaintances.
the circle for best friends was extremely small compared to the rest. and i used to wonder why. 'everyone can be my best friend!' i used to think. but i think now i have reached the stage when i finally realise the purpose of those circles.
you don't need so many best friends. best friends know who exactly you are inside out. what each of your action means. and you never have to lie to them about anything. even if you did, they'd see through you. these are the people whom i know will be there for me always. these are the people who can give you the love, mentally and emotionally.
i almost lost a best friend recently. it's in times like these when you find out how important people are to you. things like this make you think sensibly before acting and make us all mature.
and yes, so there are only a few people whom i can consider my best friends. you know who you are.
i'm too lazy to elaborate on the other 3 types of friends. but i'm sure it's clear enough for everyone to understand. you might have many friends. but you might not feel comfortable with all of them, sometimes to the extent you have to pretend in order to fit in. i'm sure that happens to all of us.
and so when i read julianne's blog, i came across this line, something along the lines of: i don't need to always bother about what my friends think. but more of what my best/close friends think. cuz they are the ones that are capable of hurting you the most, or you hurting them the most. such an eye-opening line.
i guess after saying so much, what i mean is that you don't have to try and please everyone of your friends, try to get into their good shoes and everything. or at rarer times, try to push yourself into their close/best friends circles. people are made for each other. you have your own friends they have their own. everyone experiences the same thing.
and so in this post, i'd like to thank all my close/best friends for being there for me, and for being the inspiration for this post. specially mentioning some names: julianne, choyau, lennard, jiamin, yongwen, muslim, jereld, yongchuan, alan, hweeyen.
for the rest, you know who you are. i cant reveal all of my secrets but yea. thank you to you all for being there for me.
and to zihan, thanks for giving me the chance to experience this and appreciate all i have.
cheers to everyone.
14/08/2009 @12:07:00 AM
it's been 2 years in this school.
as i start my 3rd year, (well not exactly start in school since i'm on attachment) i feel a totally different way of thinking come to me.
recently i started thinking about my future. i know i definitely don't wanna be a teacher. and i would very much like to be a chemist. but seeing what i do in my internship now doesnt really make me a pure chemist in the lab kind. i'm very technical based, although i know it'll help me alot if i do go out to look for a lab related job next time. then again, i really love lab. organic lab esp. i know some people will think i'm crazy if i say this.
why is it so hard to score in organic chem but still love it so much. is doing lab research? i don't like research but i'm totally contradictng myself.
what in the world do i want to do?
a million hearts sent out to alan in germany. he spoke.. well msned to me about stuff in the chemical industry. at least i have a better idea of what i can do, and what i cant, and what is out there for me. i think my future might be pretty narrowed judging by the fact that i want very exact things.
and then it makes me think. will i be happy with my first job? will i get bored so quickly that i don't last through any job?
if all goes well, i'll probably have graduated this time next year, with any luck, i'd have started my first job.
looking at alan kwek, he seems to be doing something totally off from his major. i wonder if i might do that next time, though i cant think of anything else that would interest me in a job aspect.
i wonder if graduating with a bachelor is enough? definitely not enough to do major research. but is it enough to allow me to survive in the real world? they say studying is not all. you need experience too. i might actually learn more if i go out and work, instead of being stuck in school.
i know, i'm constantly contradicting myself in this entry. but don' mind me. its just weird to suddenly start realising and then worrying about your future.
school is definitely more fun than working. less stress too. but sooner or later, everyone has to go out to work. the earlier the better aint it? probably trying to comfort myself. but oh well. i guess i'll let the issues stay like this for now and not confuse myself any further, or change my stand in anyway.
science club. the past year has led me to see things at a different angle in science club. i don't really want to rant about stuff here at such a time. so i guess i'll leave things as such now. hope the new mc will be able to achieve great things in their term of office.
jiayou 30thMC.
jiayou simone. zihan's leaving in 2 weeks time. sometimes i dunno if i should be feeling like this.
its just hard to think about such things. i've been putting this at the back of my mind for weeks now. but as time draws near, things get harder to push away.
2 people asked me the same question at the same time. it broke my heart.
i wish december would come faster. and to think that he hasnt even left.
well, i'm a grown up now. i should stop whining about such stuff and make my next 4 months as pleasant as possible. loving and making more friends around the place.
as they always say, distraction always works.
11/08/2009 @12:10:00 AM
stand up for what you believe in, simone.
stand up, be strong. and maintain your stand.