14/11/2009 @2:14:00 AM
i haven't blogged for extremely long, yes i know.
the past few weeks have forced my life into such a whirl that now, i cant even tell the difference between right and wrong.
i don't know what to blog anymore cuz some things are just meant to be kept in that small box and left in the corner to collect dust, never to be taken out again. thru the past few weeks, i've felt more emotions than i've ever had. happiness, anger, hatred, confusion, pleasure, and sadness.
my heart and mind are at their weakest point now. maybe thats why i can feel all these at its strongest effect. and maybe thats why i'm so easily swayed.
it dawned on me. all it takes is just a small flicker, and all you have tried to keep together falls apart, leaving you vulnerable. so vulnerable that although you struggle so hard to keep it out, it devours you like some hungry cave monster.
thats when i fell.
as i fell i hit the ground and reality sinks back in. i have to let go, but i don't want to let go. familiar phrase, ain't it? i guess you never know what it really means until you experience it yourself. at that time, i had to be strong.
it wasn't for me to choose, it was for me to forget.
my pillars of strength came in extremely handy just when you need them to. i really appreciate the help and thank you guys for being there for me.
as the strength builds back in me again, i find myself wondering, and thinking more. wondering if everything is still as perfect as it seems. wondering if anything would change for the better, or for the worse.
maybe i should stop thinking and let my path move before me.
but then, today i realised. it's happening again, though the clouds have changed. this feeling of dejavu.
Wikipedia: dejavu is the experience of feeling sure that one has witnessed or experienced a new situation previously (an individual feels as though an event has already happened or has happened in the recent past), although the exact circumstances of the previous encounter are uncertain.
is it still dejavu if i know what exactly had happened previously?
it's so tempting to fall down and give up. like temptation island.
is this the ultimate test for me? if it is, please let it be the last one. please. i don't think i can do it anymore.
it's quicksand i'm drowning in. someone get me out please.
I want your love and I want your revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
I want your love and All your lovers' revenge
You and me could write a bad romance